Sigh. I had one of my little "incidents" on Friday. One of these things where I say something awful, but I can't apologize for it, because it was what I truly thought. Then I get disappointed in myself for being one of those people that thinks that sort of thing, then I get busy trying to fight off a depressive fit, and then I've wasted away half a beautiful weekend because I told a pair of loudmouthed political bigots what I thought of them. I should never play at being a loudmouth; I'm too morose to get away with it.
Which logically means I ought to shut this down. What's a blog but a megaphone? Meh. I'm mostly talking to myself, and Jessica over there. Who was witness to my act of obnoxiousness, and thus probably isn't listening right now anyways.
Which I guess, in the end, is to say I wish I could apologize, but I won't, for the same reason I wish I could belong to a church and pretend that there's something more than wishful thinking and social lies at the bottom of it all. Because social lies make for a more comfortable life, and my pride never lets me tell them.
Days like today, I understand why the religious hold pride to be a sin.
Monday, October 13, 2003
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